Single or Married: Complete in Christ

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Benjamin Kreps:

Hey everyone, and welcome to the podcast, where our aim is to connect our global family of Sovereign Grace churches with our Executive Director. Mark, from time to time — and recently — we'll talk about marriage on the podcast. We love God's beautiful gift of marriage, and we affirm and celebrate the roles God has called us to, and so forth. But we are wise to be aware of how culture affects our thinking about marriage, children, and parenting. For instance, we were in Seattle recently on part of a vacation, and some of our family was on a walking tour. And the woman who was leading the tour proudly declared, "In Seattle, we don't have kids, we have dogs." As if that was something to be applauded.

But we talk a lot about marriage — and it's right to do so. But we don't want to neglect talking about another significant demographic in our churches: the singles who are navigating the single life, at least at this moment in their journey. And you want to talk about that on this episode.

Mark Prater:

I do. I want to begin with what I think is a real pastoral awareness — how the culture affects our thinking in a number of areas and topics, but specifically how it affects our thinking about marriage and family, and also how we understand singleness. One of the challenges of faithfully leading and preaching God's Word is addressing that.

On the one hand, you see in the culture right now — when you look at the stats — that people are getting married later in life. There can be very good reasons for that; that's not a critique. But that's the trend. And then there's been a trend toward either childlessness or very few children. Fertility rates have dropped. Those are just the stats, not just in the States but throughout the world. The culture takes note — the Wall Street Journal, back in May, published an opinion piece on that very issue. And within the evangelical world, Sean DeMars has a podcast and recently published a book called Get Married, Have Children, and Join a Church — which I became aware of because Denny Burk interviewed him on his podcast. So obviously Sean is writing that book in response to some of the cultural issues he's seeing pastorally.

So on the one hand, I think the current challenge we face as pastors is this: we want to preach on the gift of marriage, the gift of children, building a family in the context of a local church. We want to celebrate all of that — it's obviously a part of our complementarian conviction and how we see that walked out. But well within that complementarian theology is also this gift of singleness. And so we don't want to speak to marriage, children, and family without ever speaking to singleness. Because it is a gift from God — whether for a particular season of a single person's life or perhaps for all of their life. So I just want to start there: singleness is a current pastoral challenge that I think pastors are equipped to preach on and help people with.

Benjamin Kreps:

Yeah, that's good. I haven't read Sean's book yet either, but I did see it came out and it does look interesting. But even though you haven't read that book, you recently read a resource that you enjoyed together with the rest of the elders on the team you serve on, which you found helpful. You want to talk about that?

Mark Prater:

Jared Mellinger gave the Covenant Fellowship Elders a resource that we read together as a pastoral team and had a really good discussion about. The resource is How Should I Live as a Single? by Joel Beeke and Paul Smalley. It's really not a book but a booklet — it's 27 pages long. It's a very brief piece of biblical theology on singleness that gives a biblical perspective, and it also contains some very helpful practical recommendations to those living the single life. And I think even for preaching or teaching on this topic, it's useful.

He has a section on biblical truths about singleness. Number one: the Lord reigns over marriage and singleness. One of the common themes in this booklet is the sovereignty of God when it comes to marriage and the single life. That can seem very basic, but it's so important in many ways. Number two: the law of God limits sexual activity to husband and wife — obviously holding up a biblical understanding of sex and sexual morality. Number three: singleness exists in tension with God's creation ordinance of marriage. And that's just so true — you've got to navigate teaching both, as they live in tension. Not in opposition to one another, but certainly in tension.

And then he has a section called "Truths about Singleness in Christ." Number one: Jesus Christ remained single — a single man — to bring in the new creation. Number two: singleness offers the opportunity for undivided devotion and service to the Lord. You see that in Jesus' life, and you see it in the Apostle Paul's life. He mentions Augustine of Hippo and Amy Carmichael as examples. Number three: in Christ, singleness is a gift and calling — Paul addresses that in 1 Corinthians 7. And number four: all who are in Christ will ultimately not be single — in the new heavens and the new earth, as Jesus taught, there will not be marriage, but we will all be one in Christ, because we will be with the Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

And then he had some practical advice that I thought was helpful. I'll just mention a few briefly. One: flee the vices of worldly singleness. Another: regard Christ — not marriage — as your completion. So if a Christian is single their entire life, they are whole, they are complete in Christ, just as a married person is. That's the point he's making.

And then some practical advice for a God-glorifying single life. Pray for grace to endure the afflictions of singleness — because there are certain challenges with singleness. Loneliness, for example. Though there are certain afflictions in marriage as well — the reality is, as Christians, indwelling sin still remains. So the afflictions are somewhat borne out of our fallenness, whether in the single life or the married life. And I really appreciated him speaking so directly and pastorally to that.

Number two: do not be afraid or embarrassed to pursue marriage — you can do that and that's fine. And then another: remain open to marriage throughout your life. So he's making the case that a person can be single all of their life and that can be a fulfilling life in Christ, one that strengthens the church in many ways. But he's also saying: be open to what the sovereignty of God might have for you. Just some practical thoughts like that. It's a short read — I'd recommend it. I thought it was helpful as a resource someone could benefit from.

Benjamin Kreps:

Thanks for the recommendation. There really is complexity to the reality of singleness. We've got young people aspiring and looking for a spouse. We've got older folks who have perhaps gone through divorce or the death of a spouse. There are so many dynamics in play. So a resource like that is important, along with other resources you want to recommend as well — because we want to be as equipped and prepared as we can be, especially as pastors, in helping and caring for the singles in our churches. Give us a couple more resources.

Mark Prater:

John Piper wrote a foreword to Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, and in that foreword he talks specifically about singleness. It is really well written — one of those that stands the test of time. The reason he writes about it is that the book is on complementarianism, and that theological understanding and how it gets worked out in our lives is not just for married couples — it's for singles as well. He speaks to that so well.

Andreas Köstenberger — many people have heard of him — wrote a book called God, Marriage and Family. Very good book. And he has a chapter on singleness entitled "Undivided Devotion to the Lord: The Divine Gift of Singleness." I would recommend that one as well.

And then a resource written by a Sovereign Grace pastor many years ago — I don't think it's still in print, I'd have to check on that — The Rich Single Life by Andy Farmer. Also a good resource. If there are any copies out there somewhere, that could be a good find.

Benjamin Kreps:

Somebody, fire up the black-market printing press and get that one going again.

Mark Prater:

Talk to Jared.

Benjamin Kreps:

Well, thanks for pointing us to resources like that. Anything before we end — any last thing you'd like to share from your heart when it comes to this area?

Mark Prater:

Actually, two things come to mind. The first is: as I read this booklet and think about this topic, specific faces of people — members of Covenant Fellowship who are single —come to mind. I just thank God for Betty Kelly, a single woman in our church who has been single her entire life. There is no more joyful, faithful servant in our church than she is. And I could give you a whole list of names. Other pastors listening to this — I'm sure it's the same for you, Ben. People come to mind, you see their faces, and your heart wells up with gratitude for them.

So to all the members of Sovereign Grace churches who are single — both embracing that and using it to serve the church, and walking through the afflictions of singleness with grace and with joy — we thank God for you. We are stronger churches because of you. So thank you.

Benjamin Kreps:

Yes we do.

Mark Prater:

And the second thing that comes to mind is the pastors of Sovereign Grace who are faithful to pastor people in their church — including single people — and who are faithful to preach that tension you see in Scripture between God's creation of marriage and God's gift of singleness. Those are not in opposition, but that tension has to be preached very carefully and very pastorally. And I know pastors in Sovereign Grace do that well. So those are the two thoughts that come to mind.

Benjamin Kreps:

Amen. Thank you, Mark, for your encouragement and the recommendations. And thank you all for checking out the podcast. We'll see you here next week, Lord willing. Bye for now.