Save Yourself a Thousand Difficulties
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
Benjamin Kreps:
Hey everyone, and welcome to the podcast, where our aim is to connect our global family of Sovereign Grace churches with our Executive Director. Mark, people who check out our podcast may remember, back a little ways, you talked about how it's important for us in Sovereign Grace churches to be willing to have hard conversations — frank, straightforward, difficult conversations are necessary. And because you carry us on your heart and you have a burden for the health of our pastoral teams and our churches, you want to revisit that topic?
Mark Prater:
I do. I want to revisit it because — thank you for saying that's my heart — that is my heart's bent: to see us continue to grow in Christ as pastors and as members of our churches, but also to pursue the building of healthy churches. And I think hard conversations — having gracious, loving, difficult conversations — is a part of building toward health in a church.
And I still see a need for that in Sovereign Grace, for us to grow in this area of having those difficult conversations — interacting with pastors and pastoral teams and even members of our churches. I think it's still a weakness for us that we need to grow in. And I came upon a section of a lecture that Charles Spurgeon gave to his Pastors College students. It's a chapter in his book Lectures to My Students, entitled "The Necessity of Ministerial Progress." And obviously he's drawing upon 1 Timothy 4:15, where Paul is writing to Timothy saying, "Let all see your progress." What he's talking about there is Timothy providing a godly example in the church and continuing to grow in godliness and integrity before the people. And they need to see a pastor's progress in that area.
So he has a whole section in this lecture where he really talks about difficult conversations. I just want to read the first section to you. He says this:
"May you also possess the grand moral characteristic of courage. By this we do not mean impertinence, impudence, or self-conceit" — you're not rude, you're not proud, is what he's saying — "but real courage to do and say calmly the right thing, and to go straight on at all hazards, though there should be none that give you a good word."
And then he says this:
"I am astonished at the number of Christians who are afraid to speak the truth to their brethren."
So he saw the same need — at Metropolitan Tabernacle and in the churches he worked with — that we see in Sovereign Grace: for us to grow in this area. But it's interesting the way he framed it there. He said, "possess the grand moral characteristic of courage." And so he's making an attachment to morality and courage in an interesting way. And that got me thinking — is that true? And I think it is. God can obviously work in us to inspire courage, but for us to be courageous, there is a moral component to it that I think is the effect of the gospel transforming us.
And I think a good biblical passage to go to is actually Galatians 2:11–14, where Paul had this very difficult conversation with Peter. He called Peter out, essentially, for identifying with the circumcision group in a way that was hypocritical — Peter wasn't acting on his true convictions. And it concerned Paul not only for Peter, but he goes on to say that Peter's hypocrisy had affected Barnabas as well. So there is a moral component there that is based on conviction of truth. We're not going to be hypocritical. We're going to stand for the real gospel — not gospel-plus-circumcision in this case. And Paul needed to speak truth because he was concerned not only about Peter, but about Barnabas. And those men are leaders, and if they're affecting a church, their influence will affect the church — and that's an issue. So there's this conviction of God's truth found in His Word that gives you the moral courage to speak so that it serves the church. That's what I think Spurgeon means by this "grand moral characteristic of courage."
Benjamin Kreps:
That's excellent. I think that is a word that pastors and members of churches need to hear regularly. We are to cultivate courage — godly courage. And as he said, and as you're saying, this is not about being quarrelsome or pugnacious or harsh at all. Rather, there is great kindness in it when done in a godly way. So why is it so important for us in Sovereign Grace to be willing to have these hard conversations?
Mark Prater:
Yeah. I think there are a number of reasons. Let me just, before I give you those reasons, read one more section from Spurgeon. It kind of gets at why it's important. He says:
"Under God, I owe my position in my own church to the absence of all policy, and the habit of saying what I mean"
In other words, if you're just wanting everything to be pleasant and everybody to be happy, that's going to get you in a lot of trouble — and that's not what you're called to do before God. That's why it's important, obviously, as a pastor and as a leader. But I think even as a Christian brother or sister speaking to one another — again, assuming you do it in a gracious, loving, godly way, as you mentioned. And then he says this:
"Above all things, avoid cowardice, for it makes men liars. If you have anything that you feel you ought to say about a man, let the measure of what you say be this: how much dare I say to his face? You must not allow yourselves a word more in censure of any man living. If that be your rule, your courage will save you from a thousand difficulties and win you lasting respect."
And I think that's so true. I said this in a previous episode: hard conversations save us from a thousand difficulties, as Spurgeon says so well. And then having those conversations — as you mentioned a moment ago — actually serves others who need to hear them and will be grateful for them, especially if they are godly men and women, which I believe most of our folks in our churches are. You also serve the church. You serve your pastoral team when — in a humble, clear, yet courageous way — you share a truth that someone needs to hear. You actually establish integrity, you establish your influence, and you gain their respect, as Spurgeon said.
So we think having hard conversations will cause people to disrespect us — but actually, godly people who hear hard things and respond in a godly way will respect you for it. So I think those are a number of reasons why it's important: the good of others, the good of the church, the good of a pastoral team — but also your ability to influence others with integrity. And I believe it will gain you respect if those hard conversations are done rightly.
Benjamin Kreps:
Yeah, that's excellent, Mark. Appreciate that encouragement. The reality is — and I'm confident there are some pastors checking out the podcast — that maybe they've been taking some hits recently. There's a lot of pressure. There have maybe been some loud voices of disagreement. And the idea of getting up and going to have another hard conversation just seems like the farthest thing from what they want to do. Just briefly — how would you encourage somebody who's struggling in that way and wanting to cultivate courage?
Mark Prater:
Yeah. I'm sure there are pastors listening to this podcast or reading the transcript who are in that very situation. And my first thought is: brothers, thank you for being faithful. Thank you for taking the hits that have been difficult to hear. Maybe it's a season of that for you. I just want you to know — I thank God for you, because you're being faithful. And that's what God requires of stewards: that we be faithful as stewards of the gospel. So I would just begin by encouraging someone: you're doing what God has called you to do. You're doing the right things. It's just difficult right now.
Second, before I try to work up any courage, I would go to Christ. Spend time in His Word. Be with Jesus. Because I find that, first of all, it cares for my soul to be with Christ in His Word — it strengthens my soul. And I would encourage you to have certain passages you could go to that would really encourage you. Passages like 2 Chronicles 20:12 — "I do not know what to do, but my eyes are upon you." Or Isaiah 26:3 — "You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you." So just drawing from the Lord Himself, who will give you courage in the moment.
And then I would also do this: I would declare my dependence upon the Spirit of God. "I've got to go have this difficult conversation. I want to do it in a godly way, in a loving way, in a pastoral way. But I'm not feeling any of that right now. But I do believe this — that your power is made perfect in my weakness. So fill me with your Spirit. Grant me wisdom, grant me the words, and especially the power and courage to have this conversation in a way that serves this person and pleases you." So those are just some quick thoughts that come to mind.
Benjamin Kreps:
Excellent. Well, may God continue to grow us as a family of churches in godly courage, so that we can have the difficult and hard conversations that are necessary for us to be healthy in our churches and our relationships — and ultimately, for the glory of God. So thank you for your encouragement, Mark. Thank you everybody for checking out the podcast. We'll see you here next week, Lord willing. Bye for now.